Thursday, 10 April 2014

Clarity and Acceptance

Cancer. Why me? I had a good cry when I found out my unfortunate fate. I did go there, I asked, why me? I never smoked, don't have vices, I look after myself, I never hurt anyone intentionally. I have got enough to deal with, why is life so unfair? Then I thought, why not me? Who am I to say I should not be sick, who am I to say who should be. When faced with adversity, I always tell my kids to step back and look at the bigger picture and surely, I say, you will find something to be grateful about, and something to learn from and if you find that, then all is not lost. Crying and getting mad was a normal reaction but I knew I can't stay there, so I stood up to face it.
Cancer came to me like a slap in the face, it's like in the movies where someone goes into hysterics and delirium and needs to be slapped back to his or her senses. It took cancer to make me see my life clearly, not that my life was in pandemonium but it was not as orderly as I want it to be, let's put it that way. When my world got shifted, I was transported to this special vantage point where it was easy to see what really really mattered. All of a sudden, certain things become just trivial, and my attention turns to what is important. By having cancer, I found the clarity that I've been searching for. Clarity in my life. Paradoxical almost, but I will take it. It's what I'm being given in return. It's so amazing that with cancer, I found peace in my heart and mind. Cancer showed me what I wanted in life. I'm finding more time now that I see what I should be spending it on.
I know I can't go on without acceptance, and that's where I turned my focus on, accepting that this was given to me. In accepting my fate I can turn things around and maybe this does not have to be unfortunate but instead, dare I say, a blessing. Getting news that you have cancer is devastating, being told you have 2-3 months to live puts you in panic mode. Whatever happens, I know my time could not be more precious than now. I knew I don't have time to lament for so long. Accepting it sooner gets you that time to do what you need to do to face this challenge. This will not go away and I need to face it with my whole body, mind, and soul in unison! and in full capacity. It was a process, but hanging on to that clarity makes me want to fight this even more. With this newly acquired calmness, I want to reach that place that I see from that special vantage point, I want to go there and stay there.


  1. Your demonstration of strength is truly inspiring. I just realized, acceptance and clarity will be key to any adversity. It allows you not to be distracted or to be hold down by the difficulties and negativity. Moreover, it directs you to make better decisions. Thanks for sharing Sis!

  2. true, clarity and acceptance will get you moving on. thanks for reading :)