Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! So Happy to be in the year 2015!
I have a really long "to do " list for 2015, that's regardless of what scan, doctor, or statistics may say.
So my lungs better behave, and my chemo brain better cooperate.
First on the list of course is to move my healing forward. I can't go on chemo forever, no one does. My oncologist expects the chemo to either stop working or I will give up. Giving up will mean my body can't tolerate the toxicity anymore. The strain has started to show itself in the past 3 chemotherapy sessions I've had, my veins are starting to resist the treatment, putting a cannula on me is becoming a burden on myself and the nurses, and I'm starting to bruise really bad where the needle was. Having said that though, my oncologist said he hasn't seen anyone go on chemo for as long as I have and do so well! I'm mapping out my next line of action and I will talk about the modalities I've chosen in the next weeks.
The cancer will obviously still take center stage. Let me rephrase that, I will put myself at center stage this 2015. Cancer is a call to put myself there, it tells you that you need to let yourself be the star once in a while. It's a calling to reboot myself, although I wish it's as simple as hitting a button.

This can be really overwhelming and I can't allow it to consume me so I've written down a bucket list of things to do when I'm not on treatments, meditating, or doing research. What type of bucket list can a cancer patient make? One that doesn't require commitment!  My list is a mix of fun, challenge, relaxation, and will probably involve a lot of mess. It will all be short term and can be abandoned on demand except maybe for one, the photography site I want to relaunch on a much smaller scale, still debating on this one. Taking a Spanish language class is on my list. We recently hired a Cuban cook and trying to communicate with her with the little Spanish I can muster inspired me to revisit these classes I used to abhor, Mi Ultimo Adios, no more! This one goes on the do something challenging list, along with sewing and cooking classes.
It will be living with Cancer - Extreme! Don't worry, I'm aware of my limits, chemo and side effects and cancer will get in the way. That is why first on my list is Nourishment. I will do everything to get my diet and supplements right, I know this alone will help me bulid up.
I haven't really followed through New Year's resolutions of years past, but I make them every year. In my situation, it is a must, I simply must stick to it and do it! Every year, even if we don't write them down we've all got lists on our minds when the new year comes. Be it improving on a skill, starting a new career, getting relationships in order, etc. We all get a chance to pause and redirect our lives, how many more chances will I get to make these resolutions and carry them out, I wonder. I can't definitively say, there's always next year but all of you who are reading this, don't miss out on these chances - no pressure :)
I wish and pray for fortitude and stability in body, mind, and spirit to get through another year.
A Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous Year to all!

Merry Christmas: I come bearing presents!

Christmas takes on a deeper meaning when you're living a life with Cancer. You always think, is this going to be my last Christmas? You make every effort to make it special, or at least more profound. Last Christmas I was strapped to a breathing apparatus the size of a suitcase with meters of cannula, tubes of plastic that I have to drag around the house, into bed, the shower, it had to be everywhere, or I stop breathing. Did that stop me from having Christmas? I didn't let it! I couldn't go out shopping, or watch the wonderful store displays, or do my favourite holiday thing, browsing the Christmas markets, but, thank goodness for the mighty internet, Christmas got sorted and delivered. Family came which made it the occasion it should be. A true Christmas.
This year, confident as I am in my healing protocols, there is still that haunting question in my mind, will I be around next Christmas? It's just a question you can't help but ask when you're as sick as I am, sorry if that came out upsetting.
I love Christmas trees. I vary and change my theme every year, setting up the tree kick starts my Christmas frenzy. We are moving in January and I have put our tree in storage by mistake so we just have the small one that used to go in my daughter's room. I had a theme in mind this year and I had bought some ornaments, celebrating the fact that I can actually hand pick them in store. Liberty, Harrod's, Fortnum and Mason, and the Christmas Markets had the best ones. I decided to stick with the little tree this year, save the ornaments for next year, that would hopefully send a message to my cells, "we've got to stick around for that tree!"
Growing up in Manila where holiday music starts playing as early as September (no kidding), it's not a wonder it's my favourite season. I have spent Christmases in different parts of the world but nothing matches Christmas in the Philippines. It's an amazing package of love, spirituality, and gluttony, and if you're not careful, bankruptcy :) My Christmases were always filled with joy back there. I try to relive that wherever I end up spending Christmas in. Wrapping presents is my thing, I know some of you are like "what?".  I love it, when wrapping Christmas presents, I set up the mood. I play holiday music while sipping eggnog (chamomile tea this year) and home made cinnamon cookies. My husband and kids will never get to the level of Christmas I know, the kids used to hop in on all the hysteria but they don't join me anymore. They don't get all the ballyhoo that comes over me at this time of year. But, they love the presents nevertheless, funny.
This Christmas again is filled with gratitude, thankful that I'm even around to take part. I will look forward to the next one.
I searched through some Ezines I used to write for that still had my articles and photographs and found this, the Irish Coffee recipe I wrote for The Vancouver Observer, perfect with Cinnamon Cookies on cold Christmas nights, or just to put you in the mood. Consider it my gift - you're welcome!
http://www.vancouverobserver.com/food/2011/11/14/easy-irish-coffee-recipe

Cinnamon Cookies

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

2 cups granulated sugar

2 eggs

2 3/4 cup all purpose flour

1/3 cup ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp. salt

Cream together the butter and sugar. Beat in eggs until fluffy. Mix in the flour, cinnamon, and salt. Knead until cinnamon is well incorporated evenly. Wrap dough in plastic wrap and chill in the refrigerator for at least an hour or overnight. Roll dough into floured surface, cut dough with your choice of cutters. Place 2 “ apart on lined cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for about 15 minutes or until done. They’re good plain or you can frost and decorate them. Your house will smell of Christmas!

I hope your Christmas is filled with love and meaning this year, let it flow with gratitude! Look forward to the blessings of another year. Do watch the cream and alcohol though (just one Irish Coffee will serve the fix)
Merry Christmas everyone!
 click below for Christmas music to set the mood..

I'VE HIT GOLD!

Well well Happy 50th Birthday to me! I'm vintage. And, I barely made it here. I pictured my 50th birthday basking in happiness, prosperity, and good health. I certainly did not envision myself to be the face of cancer at 50!
I have looked forward to this golden year, I associate turning 50 as the year to start reaping the glory of your life's efforts of the past 49 years. I see it as a time when you will be wiser and in control. When I'm 50, I used to say, I'm going to slow down and enjoy life more. Now I have to enjoy whatever's left of it.
About the only thing  that comes to us without effort is old age, except when you're me. I had to fight so hard just to make it to 50 and whoa I just made it. When I was given the bleak prognosis I thought I will never see my 50th birthday. Actually the deadline they gave me was 48.
December 2, 2014 is my 50th Birthday and I feel a deep sense of gratitude. I already got a two year bonus, and counting. I had hoped for a better scenario but I'm not going to let this cancer dampen my hopes of having more birthdays to come. I fought so hard to get here, I will keep going to stay here.
I dreamt Big. It's still all in my mind, on hold, until my cells decide I can proceed again. They say having cancer stops all your wishes, all your dreams, and ambitions. Having cancer dictates your destiny. You can only plan days, not weeks, not years. Maybe it does dictate your destiny up to a certain point. But why stop, what's the harm in dreaming? If anything it can motivate you to fight even more when you want to get there so badly, and if you don't, hey you gave it a fair chance. It's free and a good workout for your brain. One can only dream, as they say. Isn't it good to keep hopeful. I think dreaming and wishing keeps your communication lines to life open "hello universe, I have yet to do the following........, my bucket list is long and deep". You're not masking reality, you still face your challenge everyday, but you're not putting a lid on life either. You never know maybe the constant asking will open up a whole new universe for you.
As I look back to the past 50 years, I'm thankful for the wisdom ripe age does impart. I have reached my golden year broken physically but stronger in spirit. I wish I can get more time to use that hard earned wisdom though.
My birthday present? I made 50 bags of warm weather accessories that I will hand out to 50 homeless people in London. I didn't go through shelters and organizations because I want to reach people who, for some reason, refuse to seek help. I see them every time I go out, even in posh Chelsea. A lot of them have dogs too, we've got one and my heart melts when I see them. Back in Vancouver, a group of homeless youngsters hang out outside of a Mcdonald's near the supermarket I go to. When I'm not rushing I buy them happy meals, or coffee, depending on my budget, and how many they are :), they have dogs as well. So, I'm packing dog food too. My way of thanking the universe for my continued strength (and existence). My way of letting 50 people know that someone cares. On my birthday, I want 50 people, complete strangers to feel touched and loved. I'm posting this a day ahead, because as you know now, I will be out distributing these goodies. I would have made more but I don't think my crappy lungs can handle too much walking.

Here's some Birthday quotes.......

Few Women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are cheese. - Billie Burke

Nice to be here? At my age, it's nice to be everywhere. - George Burns

I'll keep swivelling my hips until they need replacing. - Tom Jones

You can't turn back the clock but you can wind it up again!

Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster too - Lionel Kauffman

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age.  - Victor Hugo

Please don't touch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them - Anna Magnami

Nature gives you the face you have at 20, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at 50 - Coco Chanel

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month!

 White Ribbons for Lung Cancer!
This is my month, lung cancer awareness! I haven't been blogging, I have been really busy, good busy! But, I cannot let the month go without posting something to help advocate for patients and raise some sort of awareness in my little way through my little blog.
I have never smoked in my life and I got lung cancer, go figure. The few months after diagnosis, an advocacy group interviewed me while on chemo, and asked what message I would like to relay to the public and the medical community about lung cancer. I told them that  when I first came to see a doctor about breathlessness, it was dismissed as possibly being out of shape, and was asked to exercise more, make changes in my diet, 3 years later, it's late stage lung cancer! Should we have looked then? I knew myself, maybe my diet goes adrift from time to time, but it was always in moderation. I walked everyday for at least an hour and I'm always on my feet at home, the lack of activity did not fit at all. But, I still trusted the doctor's expertise, or maybe I shouldn't have and insisted on further tests. If your current care provider won't fund your tests, it's worth getting a private one done, for your piece of mind. May I also suggest, regular full profile blood tests, this will show you where you're at, what minerals you are deficient in, your cholesterol, sugar levels, etc. We got the whole family tested, then went to a herbalist and now we're not guessing which supplements to take as the concoction is custom made based on the blood tests and what we're feeling. So my message was that doctors should realize that lung cancer does affect non smokers, something I'm sure they all know, and patients that come to them with symptoms should be checked just as much as smokers. After all, smoking is not the only cause of lung cancer. There's radon, environmental pollution, chemicals right in your own home, soap, shampoo, etc.

To everyone, be proactive in following up symptoms you may feel, you don't have to be paranoid, but trust your gut feeling, because you do feel it when something's not right. I felt it, but dismissed it and took the doctor's advice as gospel. My symptoms were breathlessness on effort which I started to feel as early as three years ago, I thought this was all a part of aging initially. The breathlessness became progressively worse leading up to the diagnosis, then the cough that won't go away for 2 months eventually urged me to insist on further testing. Time is something cancer patients would be blessed to have, so finding out as early as possible provide for a better scenario as it gives you a better chance at designing a healing protocol after all the research you'll have to do!
Here's an article from Dr. Andrew Weil on Lung Cancer and its symptoms
10 Signs of Lung Cancer - Dr. Weil's Daily Tip

My Summer Song : These Are the Days

Out and About London with Cancer

When I had my travel website, I wrote about tips and recommendations to help make hassle free family vacations. I realized I never once wrote about accessibility, what a shame.
Getting around London in a wheelchair is hard, not all roads have ramps, and a lot of the ramps are so badly made, we have had to lift the wheelchair most times anyway, and that's if some car is not blocking the ramp! London is not known to be access friendly, or stiletto friendly for that matter, especially through cobbled roads.
Advance planning is the key to a convenient time around the city when you need special access. Google Earth is a great tool to see the actual place you're going to so you can go check for visible ramps and various access, see if there are steps. I can manage to walk a bit, seeing the place ahead gives me an idea if I can handle the walk and leave the wheelchair. When booking an attraction, check the website for access information, if there isn't any, call ahead and ask. At Madame Tussaud's for instance, you are required to book ahead as they limit the number of wheelchairs per hour, and understandably so, it gets crowded and navigating the exhibit an inconvenience. Use your cancer perks, if they offer anything that would make it easier for you and your family, take it! Disabled people and their carers can go in free at some attractions where viewing is otherwise limited and not accessible for wheelchairs. London is an old city, fitting my wheelchair into old small lifts posed some problems for us. The best part is, in most attractions, you actually jump the queue. During our cruise, I decided not to take my chair, and we regretted we didn't as we could have gotten the best seats and skipped the lines. At Buckingham Palace, the kids were thrilled that we entered through the front gates and saw up close the royal guards, not everyone gets that. Eating out presents its own set of predicaments, for one, most restaurants in London have their toilets a floor below or above the restaurant with no lifts, very few disabled toilet facilities unless you stick to malls. I can manage a few flight of stairs but I can imagine the hassle for someone who can't walk at all. I thought London would be a pioneer in Vegan cuisine but I find that not to be the case, unless of course you specifically go to the specialty restaurants which you can't do every time especially when you're touring with kids. Most restaurants idea of a vegan meal is dumping cheese on vegetables like cheese would just make it gourmet. The wheelchair can be folded and fits into a car and taxi easily and most drivers help you get settled, there is no need to call ahead for a special ride. The other challenge with getting out and about is dealing with crowds, with a low immune system like mine, I have to protect myself from catching anything, wild events like concerts - not a good idea!
Plan ahead, know the venue, ask for help.

A Summer to Remember with An Update

Summer is my favourite season of all time. Last summer was probably one of the worst one on record. The beautiful Costa del Sol coastline didn't help raise our spirits as I lay almost dying at the hospital in Marbella. This summer was extra special. It's special because I shouldn't even be here.

When I went in for my 17th chemo cycle, the oncology team came in to congratulate me. It's been one full year since I started treatments. My oncologist said if someone were to ask him one year ago if I would be around for the summer, he would say no. he thought I was lucky to get past the third cycle. He said I should celebrate, I said I celebrate everyday I'm given. One of the first things I did when I got diagnosed was take my websites down, one of them was my photography site. My doctor asked if I am planning to have that back up again and he'll take a look, to me that was more like, go and live again! My disease is stable but I still have a long, long, long, way to go! Now back on research and in the middle of planning my next supplementary treatments like colonics, chakra healing, diet changes, etc.

Having recouped some of my strength and now that I'm off oxygen, I was determined to make the most out of the summer. My brother and sister in law flew in from Jakarta, and then my niece gave me a big surprise with a visit from Vancouver. A nephew from Isle of Man joined in to complete the cast. Wheelchair in tow, we braved the London crowds having afternoon tea, museum hopping, watched plays, did street art, attended a 70's celebrity event. The pictures here are from the cruise we took. It felt good booking the tours. It was like I'm booking these events and proudly saying I'm going and I can. I had a really special time with family. So, when my oncologist encouraged me to get out and celebrate, he doesn't know half of what I did this summer!